Learning Natural Conquences of Life

Some people may be terrified to know that I have never had a baby gate for my stairs. My oldest is 4; we have a bi-level so its 5 carpeted stairs, a landing then 5 more wooden ones going down the other direction. And I've never put up a baby gate. All my boys are still breathing and have yet to break a bone. How is this possible? Well, natural consequences. They fell down them once or twice and learned that it hurts so they stopped at the top. And then learned how to crawl down backwards.

Failure teaches us to explore other possibilities, become resilient, strengthen our resolve and learn new, more successful processes in life. - The MOBSociety.com

I am only now, 3 boys into this mothering thing, thinking there needs to be some order and teaching to our everyday crazy life. But I think I've got this natural consciences thing down. I am a very laid back momma. I don't fuss over dirty pacifiers or bumps or scrapes. In fact, it's not really a complete day until someone has a black and blue mark. I let my boys fail. If you fall off the couch while jumping to the next (and I've asked you to stop a few times), then you'll learn that it hurts to hit the hard floor and will do it differently next time (and now the cushions are never on my couch!)

Allowing kids to experience natural consequences and appropriate failure does not ruin them. It rescues them from an indecisive and entitled future. Allowing our sons to fail because they are making poor choices, creates humility. Letting them be brave - even letting them falter - creates character. - The MOBSociety.com

I have experienced failure in my past. I've had jobs that just didn't quite click and I left theme behind, for something better.  I went to college and have a degree in Chemistry but currently I change diapers and keep people alive. Life doesn't always work out the way you think it will. We need to be obedient to what God has out there for us, our Plan A is not always His Plan A. And so we fail, we learn, we change some things and then try again.

The Israelites wandered the dessert for 40 years because they "didn't get it". They had to experience things over and over again until they finally learned God's will is the best way. Same goes for us. We will continue to have failures over and over until we figure out how to just obey God's will the first time. We live in a fallen world and as much as we'd like to be perfect, we aren't. And neither are our children. And they will fail, repeatedly. Just watch a 1 year old try to walk. It can take days or weeks or months until they get it.

So let's land the helicopter, Mom, let's just love our kids through this life, but shy away from sheltering them from pain and suffering. And yes they will embarrass us (every time we go out!) but let's be real, every mom gets embarrassed and real moms don't judge other moms. We get it.

The MOBSociety.com is part of the Raising Boys Ministry. Erin Mooring and Brooke McGlothlin, co-author of  Hope for the Weary Mom, started this Raising Boys Ministry to equip and encourage mothers of boys (MOB) to raise godly men. BoyMoms desperately need to know they're not alone, and it's our mission, our passion, and our calling from God to provide inspiration, motivation and practical tools to make raising your boys a little easier with friends by your side.

 

My new best friend: the self timer

Two weekends ago I went to the Refresh and Renew conference with a group of ladies from the one mom's group I go to. New and deeper friendships were formed between the three of us ladies that roomed together. We all have vastly different stories, but we could all agree that we need to figure out who we are as we raise our children and be the best wives and mothers to our families.

One sweet friend has recently had a  major challenge they are working to overcome as a family. Her story is being woven together in many different ways through trials and smiles and will be absolutely beautiful when it's finished. They recently celebrated 5 years of marriage so I offered to take some pictures for them - all dressed up again in wedding garb!

I rekindled my love for flower arranging and made them some sweet little flower bouquets to carry. They were going away for the weekend so I made them a sweet little goodie bag - with some of my favorite treats. And I rented a bigger camera lens to take some pretty fab pictures. All in all, it was a day to remember that Saturday - for them and for me!

And when one has rented a camera lens for the weekend, one must take a bunch of pictures! Ladies: professional photos are great, but let's be real, we can't always drop a couple hundred dollars for amazing pictures. Maybe someday. But, not when the farmer only has Sunday's off and little boys just don't have it in them to be still. Like ever.  So I set the self-timer for 10 seconds and to take 10 pictures - hoping that in at least one of them, we are all looking at the camera and have our eyes open. Here is what was snapped:

Finding my Place

Over the years certain things have defined me:
College student, chemist, baker, cake decorator, youth group leader, worship planner, administrative assistant, the fixer, organizer.
More recently I have been defined by a few new ones: Pampered Chef consultant, stay at home mom, boy mom.

In the midst of everyday life, the noise and crying and chaos that naturally ensues while caring for 3 little boys, it is hard to hear just what your call might be in life. The immediate call is to keep your children fed and breathing. But me, without them, what is my call? How can you tell when doors are opening to new opportunities? Or maybe there is a window slightly open to escape from something that just isn't quite working. But how do you know?

When there is no clear sign that I shouldn't do something, I jump right in and do it. There are usually challenges that pop up once I agree to something, but I am slowly learning and trying to remember that God never leaves us and will not give us more than we can handle. And that everything lasts for a season. All of these things that I get to be part of for a season, are helping to develop who I am, my character, my story that I get to share with others in the future.

So in the midst of living and surviving and trying to figure out God's plan, the challenge is to find joy. The little blessings or things that make you happy and bring a smile to your face. Like making cookies. Or finding a love in taking pictures for people. Or blessing people with gifts they don't expect. Or having everyone eat the meal you made for supper. Or seeing your kids being nice to each other or picking up the toys you asked them to. Or just getting a full nights sleep! Or being able to laugh when more juice gets spilled, the little one plays in the toilet again, or a pull-up ends up getting "washed" (the later is really not pretty!)

So I'm hoping this blog will be a happy place to tell my story of raising 4 boys and the everyday adventures that come with being a boy mom. And to tell you what I'm doing to look for the joy's in life!

Turning Over A New Leaf

I need an outlet. To express who I am and what I'm feeling. I'm a some what blunt person, I tell you what's on my mind and I'm surrounded by people who are too weak to just understand that's how I'm feeling. It's not meant to hurt you, it's just how I feel about it. And I like to talk. But many people get lost just after 5 words are spoken and they give up listening. I need a best friend, and then as soon as I say that, I'm reminded that God is my best friend. Always has been, and will continue to be, the one that is always there, ready to listen. And I'm constantly reminded that I'm not perfect, as a parent, a wife, a friend. I need His help and guidance daily. I expect too much of people, I expect that if you say you're going to do something, you follow through with it. I try hard to do that for others, but God knows we aren't perfect. He wants us to be perfect; He is right there to pick us up again when we are not. I need to remember this as I hold others to high standards. I don't do well with disappointment. I often see the negative when things don't work out.

So this will be my outlet. Writing. Hopefully to keep me more focused on the good things in my life, the daily small mountains we climb and successfully reach the top. I don't want to be a negative person. I want to be the person people come to for wisdom about situations, how to handle things, quiet and reserved, with a little bit of mystery as to what is really going on inside my head. I don't want all my words to hurt feelings. I want to be like characters from my favorite books.

I have a whole list of dreams that I'd like to accomplish before I die. Many things I want to see. And I'm excited to see how God decides to unfold my future.